Girl Talk
by Ima Super Mute Ant
Summary: ONESHOT. Noin and Une are up late at night, having a chat about the infamous Gundam boys. Rated for discussions of shonen ai and general Zechyness.


A/N: Ok, sooo... This was written completely on a whim and was never meant to be posted but I was bored today so I'm going ahead with it. This is perhaps a little OOC but it really isn't meant to be anything other than amusing. This is merely spawned from the sentence "gayer than a day in may." Which had been floating around my head for hours.

Set in the floating void of "early in the series" I couldn't remember Zechy's rank so I said he was a Lieutenant, if I was wrong please forgive me..

* * *

Girl Talk

by ISMA

* * *

"Soo..." Lucrezia Noin began, leaning in to the infamous Lady Une's desk, "What do you think about those Gundam boys?"

"What about them?" Une growled. It was late at night, she was doing paperwork, and she _really_ didn't like the present company.

"Well, I mean, they're awful attractive aren't they?"

"They're the _enemy_." Une growled, signing a document with unequaled ferocity.

"That is true..." Noin stated, inwardly grinning at the Lady's anger. She hated Une almost as much as Une hated her, but at least she could enjoy pissing her ranking officer off. "... But what about that pilot 05. _Absolute hottie_."

Une snapped her head around to give Noin a very shocked look, "_Noin_!"

"What?"

"I... I..." Une struggled to find the right words and, unable to find a reply that would make her seem any less of a prude, said the first thing that came to mind; "I though you were pining over Lieutenant Merquise ." Une's eyes flashed. 'Perfect hit', she told herself, 'now watch whiny-girl go down in flames'.

"I do. Zechs will always be my one and only." Noin said, unfazed, "but that doesn't mean I can't window shop before we seal the deal. Hell, I could even try a few out, just in case."

Une resisted the urge to gape. Who knew Noin could be so _perverted_, so _lewd_, so _girly? _Not that it mattered. Une knew she was better than Noin in every way. If Noin was girly, then Une would out-girly her in every possible way. Not to mention...

"I disagree. Pilot 02 is far more of a... hottie." Une once again adopted her cold-bitch voice, raising a challenging eyebrow in Noin's direction. Noin frowned a little, her mission to annoy the ice-queen was slowly failing, and now she had to defend her territory.

"What are you talking about?" She gasped, "Pilot 02 is an idiot! And he looks like a girl. I want my men to be _manly_ thank you."

"Says the woman who is in love with four feet of gloriously shining blonde tresses."

"Hey!" Noin growled, "That's different. Zechs's tresses are sexy!"

"So are pilot 02's tresses." Une replied smirking at her slight victory.

"Still," Noin responded, "There is no doubt that 05 is sexier. He's got those eyes that just stare into you like they're saying," Here Noin lowered her voice and narrowed her eyes, giving an impressive impersonation of the Gundam pilot, "I want to fuck you... O_nna_."

Une could barely suppress the giggles that welled from her usually dour throat, "02 is more creative." She parried, "I bet he knows how to do _all sorts_ of things with that girly hair of his."

"Une!" Noin cried, no longer able to hold back her peals of laughter, "that was absolutely _naughty_." Une smirked.

A moment of silence followed as both women imagined the variety of things that 02 could do with his "four foot tresses". Their minds wondered, an almost comfortable feeling fell over the room before.

"I bet pilot 01 is awful creative himself."

"Now there is a manly man. Did you ever see him glare?"

"What about pilot 01?" Both women turned around to see the four feet of long silky blonde tresses connected to a tall and gorgeous...

"Zechs!" Une felt a slight blush coming to her cheeks. Here she was acting highly unprofessional in the presence of one of her colleagues, it was absolutely unacceptable!

"Personally," Zechs said, ignoring the shocked looks on both women's faces, "I believe that _all _of the Gundam pilots are far more... cheerful than is really necessary."

A moment of silence followed as both Noin and Une attempted to understand the cryptic statement. Noin was the first to snap her head up and give the Lightning Count a dismayed look.

"You think they're _gay_?"

"Mmm." Zechs replied in a stately voice, "Gayer than a day in may, as it were."

Once again, silence ruled over the room. All thoughts of professionalism had flown from Une's mind. Noin was no longer concerned with getting on the other woman's nerves. Zechs craved peanut butter like nobody's business.

"Well then." Une said, "It's obvious that 04 and 03 are..."

"No way! 04 and 01." Noin interrupted.

"_Excuse _me? 04 is so obviously in love with..." Une would not be defeated _this_ time.

"04, 03, and 01 are an item." Zechs said, his voice loud and undeniable, "As are 02 and 05. But they haven't told the others yet, because of 05's unnecessary modesty."

Noin and Une could only gape in amazement at the Power of the Lightning Count.

* * *

Reviews make the world go round.


End file.
